Wednesday

update....
Okay.....Let's see..Monday I had PT...things were a little touchy because of the toe...but overall..not too bad. My sneakers gave it some support and I also had the toe wrapped in some gauze and taped to the next toe. It was sore...but PT wasn't too bothersome...only a couple of times did it really smart. So, that was good...

Today, the toe feels better...it is the 4th day now since it happened, the swelling has gone down and even some of the pretty colors are going away. I did kind of bump it yesterday while putting on my show...and it felt like lightning shooting through my toe...so it's still sensitive.. but at least now it's not as sore as it was.

I was up early yesterday morning (4:00am) because my legs were really bothering me...I was having that throbbing, achy pain that I get now and then. I still think that this cooler weather has to be playing hell with me..because there are things bothering me more now than they were before...mainly in my legs and the "numb" area in my backside.
This morning I was up at 2:30am to pee and then I went back to bed and was able to fall back to sleep...but at 6:00am I was awake again with my legs..

Yesterday, I was reading through my emails...and I'm subscribed to the Transverse Myelitis Internet Club (TMIC) which is an email support group branched off of the Transverse Myelitis Association website.
I read one of the posts yesterday and it was so emotional that I just broke down... I'm including part of the post here...with no names...

"We are now spending a few days in xxcityxx before returning to our home in xxstatexx. Today we met a lady named xxxx, and when we were talking she asked if I had an accident since I was using the wheelchair. I have had a lot of spasms the past few days and not walking very well, even with my crutches. Anyway, when my husband told her that I hadn't had an accident but that it was caused by a virus, she immediately asked if I had Transverse Myelitis. When I said YES, her eyes welled up with tears. It was a real intense moment. Her father had gotten TM and it was a slowly progressing onset for him, and he had a very hard time getting a diagnosis. They thought he had Guillian-Barre (sp?). It took one and a half years to get the TM diagnosis, and he was in excruciating pain. Unfortunately, he just couldn't deal with it, the pain made him crazy. He didn't want to get involved with any support groups either and wouldn't go onto anti-depressants. He was one of the unlucky ones who didn't get any improvement. He ended up committing suicide to end his pain. This was a real bonding moment for the 3 of us.

I can't tell you how much pain this woman and her family had gone through due to this. She's better now, but she says that her brother is still really a mess."

I just wanted to include that because I feel so bad for that woman and her family... I think maybe I can somewhat understand the turmoil her father must have been going through...only because I've seen what a bastard TM can be...
Sometimes the mental issues can surpass the physical ones...and I think I can also understand that...

I try, try, try to stay happy and upbeat and positive… I’ve always been a very positive person….but the weight of all this is so hard to swallow sometimes….
I feel bad for my wife, because she has to put up with my tirades. It seems that almost everything, not just the TM, but everyday stuff just pisses me off sometimes and she gets angry or upset at me, understandably.
Sometimes I get that overall depressed feeling and I’ll just start crying… I know that I’m not the only one that has dealt with TM like this…I’ve read many other postings from people that are affected in much the same way as I am…and I know that we all have different ways of dealing with this. I just want so bad to get my head back on straight again. Hopefully through my counseling and the meds I’m on that I will be able to do that.

So, here’s my attempt today at ending this blog posting on a happy positive note…
I’m including this song…one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite groups…AC/DC. The song…It’s a Long Way To The Top If You Want To Rock and Roll.

I can relate that to having TM…and if you watch this video…CRANK IT UP…!!! The only way to listen to it..!!



Till Next Time................

Sunday

and a real quick update...
I know I mentioned my broken toe yesterday...and that you all were lucky because my camera batteries were dead, well guess what... I got some fresh batteries in it..so I get to bless everyone with a picture of my toe...
I seem to suck at taking a picture though because it is blurry...but all the pretty colors still came through.. :-)


and just to give you an idea...when I first kicked my cane..(and it's really a long story about how it exactly came about) and my toe started throbbing..I looked down at it and I knew right away it was broken...how did I know? Because I've never seen my little toe pointing in the direction it was pointing... here is a bad example..

When I saw my toe pointing in that direction..I just knew..
So, I grabbed my toe and pulled it back as straight as I could..(yeah, it hurt) and I've had my toes taped together since...
I did manage to get my sneakers on today...by unlacing them almost all the way..and gently sliding my foot in...and then loosely tying it back up. I'm going to try PT tomorrow..and see how that goes..

I do have to say this...I've talked to so many people with TM that do not have any or very little sensation down their legs or in their feet..to the point of not even being able to feel hot or cold water... So, I suppose in a very odd way...I'm glad my toe hurts like a b*tch.. In so many ways I've been one of the "lucky" ones "from the beginning"...

and on that note....ELP...Lucky Man..



From The Beginning...



Till Next Time...............

Saturday..... in the park

I think it was the Fourth of July...
Oh wait...that's not right...That's a song by Chicago..Oh well...anyway, It is Saturday..but it's November 1st.
What to update today...well, the first thing, I need to back up to Thursday and write something more for my own memory than anything else..
Thursday was a blue day...down in the dumps...feeling sorry for myself and such.. I did PT as I mentioned in my Thursday post..but as the day wore on...I started getting one of "those" headaches. The one I get before I start getting sick as I had done 4 times in the past. The sick that always started on a Friday or Saturday.
When I spoke with my Neuro the last time I told him about getting sick like that and how it always started with a headache...so he prescribed Imatrex for me and said that possible the headaches might be migraines. I took an Imatrex Thursday evening and went to sleep about 9:00pm. Woke up yesterday and the headache was gone. I thought to myself..."good" and went all day yesterday with no headache.

Now, today, Saturday..I wake up and I have a slight headache and I'm thinking...dammit...so I just go about my morning...couple of cups of coffee and breakfast thinking that maybe the headache will go away. It's now almost 11:00am and I still have it.. so I took another Imatrex. I'm bound and determined to not get sick again...and especially on a Friday or Saturday...I'm going to break that cycle if it kills me. DAMMIT..

Anyway...this morning has been interesting besides the headache.. we have some tree guys here to cut down those trees that fell during the bad storm we had recently. So, mom in law opens the door to go out and meet them...and of course out goes the dog....not that the dog can't be trusted to be out without a leash on but she has habit of wandering and I also didn't want her out with the workmen and the chainsaws and equipment. So, I head downstairs and call her in.
She comes back in...no biggie.

About 10 minutes later...the door gets opened again and out goes the dog again...this time I'm a little perturbed...I head downstairs and I'm barefoot...I get the dog back in the house...and I'm heading back up the steps and I'm a little ticked...and I'm kind of rushing...and I end up kicking my cane with my right foot....more specifically..the little toe on my right foot...and soon as it happened the pain shot right up..I looked down at it and it was bent at a strange angle...so, I know I broke it. I'm looking at it now and it looks like a swollen little fat sausage...I'd take a picture but the batteries in my camera are dead...so you all are lucky.

So, here I lie right now...my little toe is throbbing, I'm fighting a headache with chainsaws going on in the back yard and I also have the typical TM pains that are acting up..(I wonder why)
THIS ISN'T STARTING OUT TO BE A VERY GOOD DAY.................................................

Let's try to get out of this funkkkkkk............ Back to Saturday In The Park..even though it's not July.. :-)


and one other video..I'm not sure what made me think of this one...but a quick little story behind this song..It's a Steve Miller tune...and I first heard it back in 1973. The album it's off of is a pretty obscure Steve Miller album that came out in 1970.
The song is "Good Morning" and I heard it on a very, very underground radio station that broadcasted from a tiny little radio station just outside of Erie PA. Every morning for a very long time the station (WMDI..and it's long gone) would play this song at 6:00am...It ended up kind of being my morning wake up anthem.. As I got older and I had joined the Air Force and had for many years forgotten about this album and song, I once again heard it somewhere and I started a hunt for the album..which had gone out of print many, many years prior..and one day while in Tech school at Chanute Air Force Base in Illinois...I went to a used album sale at a record store in Champaign Illinois and I'll be darned it I didn't find the album.. and still have it to this day. :-)
So, with that stupid little story out of the way...here is the song..


Till Next Time.....................