May 1st 2012...It's May Day

Well....I know I have been slacking off on my postings lately....and here I am now, doing another post just a couple of weeks since my last one.... What's up with that..? So, the reasons for my post.... Three things...
1. I had a meltdown..
2. I need to post some info from a great lady that I met on my TM Facebook group
3. An update on my Pain doc appointment that I had today...
Let's get to it then... On April 24th...I was outside helping my wife do some yardwork.. She had decided to cut the grass since the weather was fairly decent..So, I went out and tried to help out with the things that I normally do..I pick up the sticks in the yard, I blow the cut grass off of our driveway with our leaf blower and on this particular day, there were a lot of clumps of cut grass in the yard because the grass was wet. I went and got the rake and some yard bags, I was going to rake up the clumps and bag them up...
I had raked a few piles and was getting pretty tired and my legs were acting up some..getting tired and starting to ache... I can't stand it when I can't help out, so even though I was getting tired, I'll be damned if I was going to stop... I was raking up one pile of grass and the next thing I knew, I was on my ass... I went a**holes over elbows and landed on my side... My wife saw it happen and she shut down the lawn mower and came over to check on me... I was okay because the grass is soft.... But... For a long time, I've felt that I've had control of my emotions, my limitations and everything else...and I've felt that I had everything under control.... but yesterday, when I fell.....I lost it... All of my old emotions came flooding right back...all the feelings I used to have about how I was useless and how I am letting my wife down and how I can't even do simple tasks anymore.... I sat there and cried like a damn fool....and my wife would try to talk to me and I just kept yelling at her to shut up.....just leave me alone... I haven't felt that defeated in a long time.... So...after I sat there for a few minutes....she reached out and I grabbed her hands and she pulled me up to standing....and I gathered myself back up...and brushed myself off..... and then I apologized to her for telling her to shut up and leave me alone... I owe more to that woman that I can ever begin to tell....and I felt so bad for saying what I did, to her... So anyway...I went and sat down for a few minutes and gathered my stupid self together....and finally got back enough strength and fortitude to help her finish the yard... Thankfully, we didn't have much left to do... I just can't believe that after all this time....I've felt like I had control of my emotions and my limitations and everything....and then, just like that.....I lost it.....right there in the middle of my front yard... I hope nobody saw... Man.....this TM can still mess with you mentally and emotionally...even after a few years... I just had to post this.....I thought I was beyond all of this stuff... I didn't even get like this a few weeks ago when I fell going into the restaurant.... Geez......crazy stuff.

So that was #1.. #2...I have had a great lady join my TM Folk group on Facebook. Molly Allen is her name...She obviously has TM, but she is a psychologist and has been for 20 years..She tries to focus on the positive aspect of things... She recently started a paper that they publish from her practice...A paper that provides all sorts of various bits of info... She and I got to talking and we had decided that perhaps she could do an article in her paper on some of the things that I have been doing for the TM community..and how modern technology allows persons like us to get the support we need. So I told her that I would post her paper in my blog and also any other sites that I am involved with... Here is a link to Molly's website... http://www.riverparkpsych.com/ Here is a copy of the paper that she did about "Online Support Resources For 'Orphan' Diseases" http://www.riverparkpsych.com/2012/04/on-line-support-resources-for-orphan-diseases-2/
Molly has been an absolute wonderful person to have as a member of the group and we all appreciate her posts and her insight into some of the things relating to TM and how to overcome the negativity of it.

#3 update... I saw my pain doc today...just an update on things.. In the past, we have discussed various options that I could consider as far as helping alleviate the pain... One thing was a Spinal Cord Stimulator....I've researched this and decided that wasn't an option for me...First, I didn't want to have the surgery to have the unit implanted in me...and also, it supposedly replaces the pain with a tingling sensation...Well, personally I have enough strange sensations and tingling going on in my body already that I don't need any more... The next thing he mentioned was biofeedback..I had considered that one...and again, I researched it.... At first, I would have to go to an office that does it...so that they could hook me up to see if it would work...and if it did, I would have to continue to go back on a regular basis...and then at some point, I might be able to get a unit to have at home... Then I got to thinking...that every time I needed some pain relief, I would have to hook myself up to this thing and go through the treatment... Again, not something that I was keen on... So, today we talked about some other options....and the thought of meditation came up...My pain doc told me that meditation has been used in many different types of pain treatment and also for stress... He gave me the name of an author...Herbert Benson...apparently one of the pioneers of meditation therapy for various types of pain and healing... Here is some info from Herbert Benson's websites....info on what his meditation consists of... http://www.relaxationresponse.org/steps/
http://martin-bohn.suite101.com/the-relaxation-response-a103132
To me, this looks like something that I can handle....I'm going to get some books from this author and read up some more on his techniques...and figure out a way to implement this into my daily life...but, if from what I am reading and hearing, this just might be the ticket.. I'll use this in combination with my current meds....and hopefully....hopefully.....this will help with some of the pain issues and maybe even some of the other problems...ie: sleeping, leg cramps and aching.

So there we are....my update for May 1st.. My music post today....is something from the great Levon Helm, who just recently passed away. For those that aren't aware...Levon was the drummer for the legendary group, The Band. Levon was one of those people that was as genuine as could be...he was an incredible soul... Here's a 20 minute video of Levon inspired by his Grammy award winning album.."Dirt Farmer" This video is seriously worth watching.... So.... Till Next Time......