Another year has passed me by..........

Yep, another year has gone by without any updating to my blog. I've been lazy, depressed, disinterested, trying to remember past occurrences have been fruitless, and so on and so on...... All excuses, I know. Well, one of the members in my Facebook TM Folks group has initiated a new Facebook page and is creating a business out of this idea......where she is going to post blogs from people that are disabled and have become entrepreneurs in one way or another. She wants to show the world that there is much hope for those of us that are disabled and we still have good creative minds and the desire to have worth. Her Facebook page is called Sick Biz and the url for the website is https://www.facebook.com/groups/297981344005974. I am excited about all of this because it gives me an added kick in the butt to not only keep my blog updated but it also gives me that needed drive to do some more work on my carvings and some of the other assorted odds and ends that I've played around with. I suppose it would be a good idea to post up a little bit of info on how TM has been treating me over the last year.... I'll try to remember a few bits anyway.. One thing for sure has been my feet. The Plantar Fasciitis really sucks. Just the simple process of going into my bathroom at night to take a shower and taking off my slippers and walking on the linoleum floor in bare feet is absolutely excruciating. We have a fairly thick, padded tub mat inside the tub, so that's not too terrible but once I get out and stand on that hard floor it hurts like an SOB. I have been so thankful for the Orthotist at the VA for once again having a new, better set of custom orthotic inserts made for my sneakers. Those are the only things that allow me to be able to walk at all. Prior to this new set of inserts, my old ones were getting pretty wore out and my sneakers were also getting some wear and tear. When I would go outside to walk my dog, it hurt so bad. It's a pain that leaves me almost speechless, it's so bad. So thankfully the VA has been there for me. I am authorized to get a new pair of shoes and a new set of orthotic inserts once a year. Depression....... Oh man the depression. I have been so depressed over the last year....mostly because of the family dynamics that my wife and I are subjected to. Without going into any details, all I'll say is that things really suck. If we could pack up and move today, we'd be gone in a flash. Add all of that to me dealing with my TM symptoms and also still continually beating myself up for not being able to do the things that I used to be able to do prior to my TM onset, I've been friggen miserable. Been seeing mental health at the VA also....seeing the psychologist there and he has me on some anti-depressants. He initially wanted to put me on those because he said that they should help me to sleep. ....HAH... When are these doctors going to understand that I don't have a problem going to sleep, it's the deep leg aches that I get that wake me up after about 3 hours of being asleep. The problem is that I pretty much lie in one position when sleeping and my legs don't move around much. Because of the inactivity, the aches start to set in. I've discovered that once I'm up and moving about a little, the aches dissipate. So it all has to do with me lying still in one position when I go to sleep. I go to bed and put some noise canceling ear buds in and I listen to some of my favorite music on low volume. I discovered a few years ago that doing that helped me to not have the frightening nightmares that I used to have. I think that the music helps my mind redirect itself and not go into that mode of thinking about all of the frightening thoughts that I used to have. I also figured that those ear buds, being noise canceling, would help me to sleep because I wouldn't hear any outside noise. Well, the earbuds and the music have done their task, but now I have to figure out something that will help the aches in my legs. I am holding out hope that medical marijuana will do the job, but good old Ohio is taking their sweet time with the program and it won't be up and running until at least September 2018...... So otherwise......all is status quo. I'm just glad and fortunate that I wake up each day. I'll say that much. Probably the very last thing to address this time around..... Each year on the anniversary date of my onset of TM (May 14) I've made myself a new cane sort of as a tribute to how far I've progressed since my initial onset when I was pretty much paralyzed from the waist down. I spent about a year in outpatient physical therapy and through all of that I made it to where I could walk (if you want to call it that) with a cane. The only year I didn't make a new cane was for my sixth year. That's because the depression was bad that year. I didn't feel like doing anything. This year was pretty close to the same thing but I forced myself to make a new cane in hopes that it would regenerate me and give me back that feeling of what it's like to make something with my own two hands. The cane wasn't done on time but I did manage to finish it at the beginning of June. I'm pretty happy with how this one came out and I really did kind of give myself a kick start to want to continue my carvings...... The last thing..... I've ended all of my blog posts with a tune that I've liked..... This one here...from 1975. The band is Ambrosia with their song "Holdin' On To Yesterday"....I thought that it was kind of fitting because even after 9 years of having TM....I still like to hold on to the memories of my pre-TM days.... Till Next Time......